Audrey Gordon’s Tuscan Summer UK release 1st March! Yes, my latest publication has been released this month and will be on shelves at your local bookshop. Look for me in the cooking section; I’ll probably be lying underneath Jamie Oliver.. also available online for my UK readers “Audrey Gordon’s Tuscan Summer is essentially a practical guide that will help you plan and carry off everything from a lazy Sunday brunch with friends to a formal sit-down banquet for 300 lactose-intolerant, diabetic vegans with severe peanut allergies”.
 
Well readers, it’s March and spring is most definitely just around the corner. Assuming you live just around the corner from Spain that is. Here at Fernview Cottage it’s cold and wet – perfect cooking weather. In our busy lives one often hears people say ‘I don’t have time for fancy meals or fussing around in the kitchen’. And my response is always the same. ‘You pathetic losers’. Sourcing, preparing and serving fine food is what defines us as civilized individuals. Back in the Dark Ages when cavemen sat around gnawing on the bones of some dinosaur I don’t suspect anyone had time to worry about making a rich jus or crunchily crisp salad. But they were savages, hairy Neanderthals who had not even heard of fire, let alone non-stick saucepans. I’m pleased to say that most of us have come a long way since then. And, while I don’t claim sole credit for theses advances, I do believe that I have contributed to our greater understanding of all things culinary through my many television appearances, workshops, books, instructional DVD’s and range of salt-reduced meat marinades. Last week saw a Covent Garden ice cream parlour start selling a new flavour made from human breast milk. Like thousands of food lovers, I was appalled by this development. In my opinion human bodily fluids should never be used as an ingredient, not even when serving members of one’s immediate family. To be honest, I’m not even convinced about the merits of serving breast milk to babies; my daughter Dymphna developed perfectly well on a diet of chocolate thick-shakes and soft cheese. What’s even more galling is the ice cream owner’s statement that “no one has done anything interesting with ice cream in the last hundred years.” Allow me to remind him of my award-winning Fennel and Pork Sorbet that took London by storm just last summer. Welcome
from Audrey
Since my website was launched a few months ago I’ve received some wonderful letters, emails, phone calls and even an interesting tweet (I’m not quite sure what ‘hot4u wn2 try 3sum?’ means but it certainly sounds intriguing! I’ll do my best to fit it in) And, as always, I am delighted to answer your food-related questions, provided they’re relevant and grammatically correct. But do remember, this site is moderated. Any comments that are deemed racists, sexist, inflammatory or supportive of battery hen farming will be deleted.
 
 
 
 
 
This month at Fernview Cottage I’ll be: * Wistfully fey * Getting my colander re-bored * Attempting to make kale cider * Poisoning a badger
Audrey is now on