READER’S QUESTIONS QWhat is the best way to kill a lobster? AYou can place it humanely in the freezer before cooking, drown it humanely in fresh water or insert a metal skewer humanely through its head . It doesn’t really matter provided you use the word ‘humanely’. QWhenever I try cooking squid it ends up tough and rubbery. Any idea why? AYes, you’re an appalling cook. QWhat’s the easiest way to open an oyster? AHold the oyster in one hand and a strong, sharp knife in the other. Then it’s a question of having plenty of bandages on stand-by and making sure your ambulance subscription is up to date.
 
Something’s Fishy Australia is blessed with a wonderful range of seafood, much of it available year-round and at quite reasonable prices. Compare this to the U.K. where we often pay up to $50 for a tin of smoked haddock! And, while some varieties such as lobster or wild barramundi can get a little on the expensive side, there’s no shortage of cheaper options. Although personally I would draw the line at anything crumbed, frozen, finger-shaped or preceded by the words ‘fillet o’. The key is to choose the freshest of fish. When shopping, ask your fishmonger what time the catch came in. He’ll probably lie, so don’t hesitate to demand proof. Be on the lookout for pale eyes and a fishy smell. If you detect these (in either the produce or proprietor), consider taking your custom elsewhere. Sustainability is also an important consideration. Where possible I will only buy fish that has been line-caught by a shore-based angler in a hand-knitted beanie. Some endangered species such as orange roughy are considered so vulnerable that we will now only feed them to our cat once a week. When cooking fish the most important rule is: leave it alone! After you place the fish in your pan or on the grill, let it cook undisturbed for 2-4 minutes before you touch it. Resist the temptation to poke and prod, don’t even make eye contact with it. If you must approach the stove do so on your hands and knees wearing a camouflaged apron. The second rule is: don’t leave it too long! Overcooking seafood will spoil it’s flavour and texture, dry out the flesh and diminish you as a person. It’s a crime, no different to murder or serving pre-grated parmesan cheese.
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